| There was a man, a lonely man
Who lost his love, thru his indifference
A heart that cared that went unshared
Until it died within his silence
And solitaire is the only game in town
And every road that takes him, takes him down
While life goes on around him everywhere
He's playing solitaire
And keeping to himself, begins to deal
And still the king of hearts is well concealed
Another losing games comes to an end
And deals them out again
A little hope goes up in smoke
Just how it goes, goes without saying
There was a man, a lonely man
Who would command the hand he's playing
And solitaire is the only game in town
And every road that takes him, takes him down
While life goes on around him everywhere
He's playing solitaire
And keeping to himself, begins to deal
And still the king of hearts is well concealed
Another losing games comes to an end
And deals them out again
And solitaire is the only game in town
And every road that takes him, takes him down
While life goes on around him everywhere
He's playing solitaire
This song somehow shows a bit of resemblance to my life in a few ways.Why have i posted this after like 3-4 months since my last post? i cant really tell...maybe its just my hormones,maybe its my emotions or maybe it was instinct.I just enjoy the phrase from the start which really struck my attention : There was a man, a lonely man Who lost his love, thru his indifference
That phrase really took my attention for sometime and of course,i do find it very touching for neil sedeka to be talking about a story about this man with no identity and why he was left living in his own universe...playing solitaire.I did know about this song a long time ago and thus named my blog after the song.It was certainly not the best song in the world but still i found it to be one of the most meaningful.The song does however show a small resemblance to my life as i grow older.The older i get,the more i get more indifferent from the others around me,it just seems that i was never meant to be with anyone and i would eventually die within my own silence.
Why do i resemble the song?Maybe its because im always indifferent....in a sense that i dont talk,act,look nor think like a normal person.But im not saying that its bad to be indifferent but its just that im different in a bad and strange way at times.And it just seems that im just trying too hard to get their attention,maybe thats my main reason for persuing my ambition,it just sounds stupid now that ive thinked about it.But then again,getting the fame and glory about doing what im doing just lets the people around me know that im "somebody" but im never gonna be treated as a person to be trusted nor as a person worthy of respect.In other words,people are just beside you because they think that you are of some value of usage.People always neglect and deny that they re acting the way they are,but it just seems too clear....i follow instinct to avoid meeting people like that but somehow i just try to "cling" on that "hope" that i might just actually meet someone i can actually trust and wouldnt betray me for the person i am.There are people who meet people like that,and i seem to be one who hasnt found one who does so.Most of the people ive met a soreass backstabbers and pretend that they did nothing when i could just read it from their body language.C`mon,after 20 years of being kicked on the ass,you actually thought i learnt nothing?
Im a man of science,never meant to know emotions but i base life on logic.But somehow thats not how the world turns around,people just base their public relations on emotions rather than logic.And i just cant seem to grasp that method,no matter how much i try.People just cant understand and grasp upon the idea about the variations found in every single individual.Thus,those who are left out tend to be alone,never trusting others and finally ending up in a dark alley....where people do stuff...try and try harder to get recognised by others....and not neccesarily good stuff....I just might be one of the fellers doing this kind of stuff....and thats my deck of cards from solitaire i guess...im just playing the game,but no one`s watching .They re just glancing but are never actually paying attention.Ive had "friends" but i never did trust them one bit at times...but i used to at least,it just came to my sense that my friends are actually embarrased to talk about me in front of others.Its just sickening...maybe i should start living alone...if only i could....But still,the fact still remains that its just human nature to be wanting to be the center of attention.But some arent just meant to do it.Ive also based most of my thoughts on "hard work" where by it was always proportional to whatever i want to get.The problem in my equation was,i never added the other minor factors which sums up to "sucess".The X factor in anyone...i do have some of the X factor...but i never knew how to show it...people just never gave the chance to show it...and it just becomes rusted and ends up hidden within my soul.Thats what ive noticed after my previous performance,they just wanted me to feel good...but never actually enjoyed what i did...i felt guilty...
I dont know why,but i like listening to love songs....but ive never actually been in love...but i loved it?wtf?Its just something that is within instinct,its inborn within every individual....they "love" the opposite sex.Everyone does that...but im always without anyone...thus i end up listening to songs which ill eventually end up regretting.But ill always imagine being in the song and expressing the words...thats about putting "soul" into your songs,and i somehow eventually pulled it out at the end....i always end up about this imaginary gal....cant really describe it...but she does looks familiar....man im really psycho :P.But perhaps my problem is that im very conservative about what im doing and avoid making mistakes most of the time and ill eventually get nothing out of it and whenever i actually try do something,ill end up screwing everything up...a stroke of luck sometimes...but not very apparent...
Dont get me wrong for writing this,im not writing this upon the base of complaint but as a way of relief from my daily stresses i have with the people around me.Im just hoping for someone who can understand and not just listens...Im still trying not to be invisible without any avail though.However,theres always something good about being lonely.....you ll always find peace...with no problems...maybe thats where my problems are originating....the people around me.....sayonara.... |
